An oldie but goodie…
I am not sure if this saying was ever really true. But I am sure that a long time ago parents did have the motivation to teach their children right and wrong, to respect their elders, to work hard, and to never talk back to an adult. I am not so sure of this motivation now. It seems as if parents now are more motivated by what “is best for them” or “what is easier for them”. In step-families there is no easy – there only seems to be guilt. Why does the guilt have to run the family? Why does the guilt have to support the disrespect children give their step-parent? Guilt implies that someone did something wrong…if you divorced your spouse because you weren’t happy in the marriage – how can that be wrong? If you still feel guilty – why did you divorce? If you still feel guilty why don’t you move back in with your ex and children and feel better? Guilt should be left to those that commit horrendous crimes – murders – rapists, etc. Celebrating your new life, new relationship, and new family would be better suited with no guilty feelings. Kids can reap the rewards of being part of a healthy relationship – they get 2 holidays – 2 birthday celebrations – twice as many presents – another adult to love and teach them. If one has truly “upgraded” to a healthy relationship there would never be any reason to feel guilty for divorcing. Kids are resilient…adults…not so much…maybe we should learn a thing or two from kids…mostly they want us to be honest – consistent – fair – have boundaries – tolerance – patience…all the components of love. We always seem to “cloak” our intentions in what’s in the best interest of the child…in honesty isn’t it more like “what’s the best interest for me”? Being sure of our choices and then living every day as if we believe our choices were the best only will instill confidence in kids and aid in possibly helping divorced parents move on and develop loving and healthy relationships…stop sitting on the fence…stop using the kids as a means to not fully jump into a new relationship and life…stop holding yourself back…rip off the band aid and jump off that cliff…the water is cold but it’s an amazing journey…one you will never forget…if only you leave the guilt behind.
